Six Feet Under the Table

Long time, no write. I know. Sorry for my absence. I've been ... living. It seems like the days have been flying by since the summer. We went on a family vacation to England in August. Hired a new nanny in September. Not-so-baby Boy turned 1 and started walking in October. We felt a little suffocated by our tiny apartment once the boy was really on the move. So we found another place and a week and a half after looking for a new place, we moved. We still aren't completely unpacked, but we're getting there. As I type, Not-so-baby Boy is taking his very first nap sans pacifier. It was a little rough at first, but within 5 minutes, he was out. Mommy - 1, paci - 0. And here's where it gets real. I've been going to the gym a lot. Thanks to Miss Daisy at Carsick Caravan , I was inspired to start doing HIIT on the treadmill, and I'm in LOVE. Burns more calories in a shorter period of time. And increases my endurance. Google it. Love it. Tell me about it! And because ...

Day 1 Day 361 Well, we made it kid. One whole BIG year down! It seems like we met only yesterday. But at the same time, it’s like you’ve always been here with us. It’s the weirdest thing! I remember wondering what you would be like—your gender, your face, your name, your personality. I never could have dreamed you. My imagination fell so far short. It’s been a big year for you. You’ve learned to eat food all by yourself; discovered that you have two sides of your body that work together to complete one task; found your voice (and make your opinion known); learned to laugh; taken spills; jumped—on trampolines, the ground, beds, laps, my face, in the bath tub (didn’t end well), and pretty much everything that can be jumped on; sprouted six teeth; flew through the sky; rode on a bus and in a taxi; got butterflies in your tummy while swinging at the park; moved into a new bedroom in a new home; figured out how to climb (climbing’s your favorite); and slowly but...

Sometimes you just have to let go and trust that everything will work out. Even if it's scary. Even if there's a risk. Even if the future is hazy. More on this later. And also to come: stories from our recent trip to England!

Do you have a baby (or babies) and own an Infantino Fresh Squeezed Filler Station? OR, are you one of my bajillion pregnant FaceBook friends, looking for something cool that you just might need to add to your registry? This thing might be the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's simple to use, and even easier to clean. Over the weekend, I said I was going to add recipes. Well, it only took me two days (a record, perhaps?), but I finally got around to doing it! Howsabout we start with something sweet, shall we? Tonight I'm working on the savory. But a few hours ago, I whipped up some sweet recipes that I'm sure Baby Boy will love. Tell me if you make any of these concoctions! Obviously, these ingredients can be adjusted to make more. (NOTE: each squeeze pouch is 4 oz.) Wanna know what I'm making for the savory dishes? You're just going to have to wait and see! Forgive the awful photo. The natural light was gone by photo time. Applesauce What baby do...

For Christmas, my parents bought me one of those Infantino food pouch filler stations. I've been dying to get my hands on it. Now that Baby Boy has mastered the art of sucking food out of those super-convenient pouches, I'm ready to stop buying them and make them myself. Fun fact about pouches: Tyler Florence is the chef behind the baby food brand, Sprout. And Mr. Florence just happens to be my favorite chef EVER. So naturally, that's basically the only brand of food pouches I buy for Baby Boy. Luckily, they go on sale a lot. Though honestly, I probably have only bought 6 total since Baby Boy started eating solids. I just don't enjoy buying baby food. I have this weird need to make things myself. To know exactly what's in it. I guess I figure if I can't provide the milk he needs, at least I have control over this. It's a control-freak's dream. Anyway, back to my story. I took the filler station out of the box, examined the contents, and started loo...

On challenging days at work, I miss him. So I have someone send me a photo of whatever it is he is doing at that moment, and it makes everything better. Here was this morning's photo: And I think about all the things about him that make me smile. Like how he drinks his morning bottle lying down, knees to the ceiling, feet on the bed, skinny legs angled so his adorable knees rest gently together. And how when he first wakes up, he's so out of it that he stumbles over to the side of the crib like a drunk. How he picks up his food with his pointer and thumb, then uses four fingers to shove it into his mouth. And subsequently gags himself and alarms me. How sometimes, at night, J and I will stand outside of his bedroom door listening to him play with his stuffed animal friends. How every time I look at him, I see glimpses of someone else: my older sister (mostly), J, J's brother, my dad's mom, my mom. How one little person can look like so many people at one t...

I feel like a new woman. For the past four nights in a row, I've gotten 7 to 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep—the first time since October. How did I get to be so lucky, you ask? Two reasons: sleep training and pump weaning. We went to the doctor last week and asked if it was normal for a 9 month old to wake up three times to eat. His response? Uh... no. So we were given strict instructions on when to feed him and how to let him cry it out. It took three nights filled with three-hour-long crying sessions. (Will, not me... thank you, NyQuil.) We were told it would take 10 - 14 days. It took four. Baby Boy is awesomely sleeping through the night... for 13 hours almost straight. And then takes three 1-2 hour naps during the day. Bliss, my friends. This is bliss. On the other side of things, I'm ending my relationship with my breast pump. I just can't do it any more. I pumped exclusively for two months. (One of my rockstar mommy friends went longer than two months. You know w...

I'm out of control, and it's embarrassing. My diet is perhaps the worst it's ever been. My daily sugar intake is beyond acceptable. And I know that I need to knock it off. But I don't want to enough, I guess. I see the number on the scale go down, and I think, "See? I can eat ice cream with magic shell every night. No problem!" But it's not just the ice cream with the magic shell. It's the coffee with creamer when I start the day. It's the fruit snacks and granola bars I eat with lunch. It's the coca cola... the liter bottle that I sip on for a couple days because it was cheaper than the 20 oz. It's the string cheese and nutella-slathered toast. The ranch dressing. The candy. The potato chips. The movie theater popcorn. The crappy restaurant food. (It's even the occasional apple/spinach baby rice puff—5 for baby, 1 for me... 5 for baby, 1 for me...) And it's EVERY day. I finally went grocery shopping and cooked my own dinner the...

Now that Baby Boy is sleeping through the night, I feel like my brain is a lot less static-y. I'm noticing so much more now. Like I'm really present, watching with eyes wide open. And it's amazing. My love is growing so much that I actually feel like I could explode. It's overwhelming. And it's awesome. So since I feel like the first 8 months have been riddled with frustrations and amIdoingsomethingwrongs, this THIS is what I've been waiting for. This moment when I am watching him learn, figure things out, sleep, eat, even poop… all these things we take for granted. All these things we forget have a learning curve. Here's what I now know (and love) about Baby Boy: 1. He needs to know how things work. He has a dog xylophone on wheels. He'll bang on the keys, and pound the bars with the bone-shaped mallet. But what he really likes to do is flip the whole thing over and examine the wheels. He still softly moves his fingers along everything he can. ...

This morning J and I talked about the nursing situation. We made a difficult-for-me-to-make decision to stop nursing. The reason is simple: Baby Boy doesn't nurse, get bored, and then bite. He immediately uses me as a chew toy, and he refuses to latch. But he takes a bottle so well. Very well. In fact, he now prefers it. But we aren't switching to formula. Instead, I am pumping all day every day to supply his needs. And since I do that twice a week at work, it really hasn't been a burden. I think I've got a good schedule down, so right now, this works. Baby Boy now sleeps until 4a! J feeds him his 4a bottle, I get up at 5 to pump, go back to bed for 15 minutes, then on the days I have to drive to work, I get up at 6 and get ready for the day. At first, more sleep meant I was more tired. But today, I feel completely rested. This weekend or next week, I will be posting a babysitting or nanny job on a caregiver website. I'm nervous and don't want to do it. But ...

Well, the race is done. How did I do? Pretty dang good, if I do say so myself. I met my goal of 32 minutes, and I ran the whole thing. Not too bad for being only 7 months post baby, for not running in well over a year, and for being up most of the night the night before because Baby Boy was having a rough night. Since Saturday, I feel like I've kinda let go. I haven't worked out. I've been eating whatever I want. And my determination to keep up my water intake has been abysmal. And today I'm feeling the effects. I'm tired and feeling dimply. But my dad's bday was yesterday, and it was very important to eat all the delicious food at his soiree... including the cake I made with the most amazing buttercream frosting EVER. Seriously, you guys. This is the first issue of Martha Stewart Living that I ever bought off the shelf. It's like gold. So many delicious cake/frosting recipes. I will never throw it away. And the cover? Don't even get me started. ...

Well, my race is 4 days away, and I haven't run in a week and a half. Life has just been B.U.S.Y. Between cars breaking down, test driving and purchasing a new car, soothing a sick/teething baby boy, making baby food, chasing a now very mobile baby boy, housework, work, and *cough* quilting, I just haven't made running a priority. Tomorrow, I hit the treadmill hoping I've still got 3 miles under my belt. Wish me luck.

One thing that surprised me more about motherhood than ANYTHING would be nursing. The whole topic, really. (Being so interested in another human's poop is a REALLY close second.) There are just some things about breastfeeding that I never really expected: 1. Some women can't. 2. For those that can't but really want to, the not being able to makes them feel like a failure. 3. IF your milk comes in, it doesn't actually come in until a few days after birth. 4. Some women don't want to. 5. Some women breastfeed until their kids are 5. 6. The more you do it, the more milk you have. (Supply and demand) 7. When you say, "My baby eats every 3 hours," the time starts at the BEGINNING of the feeding. So if your child nurses for 40 minutes, there are actually only 2 hours and 20 minutes before you're nursing again. This is why the newborn phase is so exhausting. They eat like every freaking hour. 8. Sometimes you will nurse your child for said 40 minut...

It's been a week full of successes and failures. Extremes. Not much in between. On Tuesday, my friend and I decided to create goals to reclaim our bodies. I decided to give up sugar for two weeks and to get on a workout schedule. I have until the end of June to lose 5 pounds. That night, I also decided I needed to give up the caffeine as much as possible. (I went cold turkey.) You see, I never was much of a caffeine drinker... until Baby Boy came along. Now, it's the only thing that keeps me functioning. But, I've noticed my milk supply going down quite a bit. And I don't know what to attribute that to. So I decided it was time to ease up. SUCCESS: My results so far? I've had a headache every. single. day. Mostly at night, though. I've been eating much better, so I feel great in that regard. But the headaches. Oh the headaches. I've been going to bed between 8-10 every night. (More on the caffeine story in a minute.) SUCCESS: I've gotten my miles...

These hands. They might be my most favorite hands of any hands that I ever did see. They are always moving, always discovering. They graze the folds of fabric and get tangled in his crocheted blankie. They rub his tired eyes and reach up to be held. They scratch at rough surfaces, feeling the vibration of his fingernails. They grab spoons while Mommy is feeding him... so tightly, in fact, that food usually flings all over the place. They plant firmly into the ground so he can lift up onto his knees... trying desperately to crawl. They smack the pacifier out of his mouth when he is tired and doesn't want to fall asleep... because he knows it will make him drift off. They cling on for dear life when the shopping cart rolls over the shopping-cart-stopper bumps. They push buttons, pull strings, spin bobbins, grab toes, swat toys. They provide comfort to his swelling gums. They scratch an itch. They pull off socks... and put them in his mouth. They hang on...

Avocado anyone? Finally finished Baby Boy's shoes that have been cut out and waiting for nearly 2 months. Baby Boy's cart/highchair cover! Extra padded for his skinny self. Complete with a pocket and tags to hold his toys so he can't throw them on the ground. (His favorite pastime.) A surprise gift found by J's aunts. I've been looking for a ladder like this! I threw the quilts on here really quickly for the photo, so it's not arranged exactly how I want it. And someday, I'll make more quilts that actually look good together. But for now, this will do. I love love love my new ladder! AND NOW, ANESSA, I CAN FOCUS AND GET BACK TO WORK ON OUR SWOON QUILT!

So... the Group Power class had a bigger effect than expected. I've been walking funny since Saturday. And it's provided me an excuse to not work out. (Like I needed an excuse.) Today I didn't work out. I just wasn't feeling it. It's been a busy few days, and I had to leave work a little early to go to the dentist. (Side note: I'd rather give birth than have dental work. I hate it that much.) So I worked through lunch, which is when I normally run while at work. And I don't feel bad about skipping the workout, either. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break, sit still as much as you can... and be okay with that. Tomorrow evening, though, I must run or I'm never going to be ready for the 5k. (It still cracks me up that I have to train for a 5k, but whatever.) Baby Boy's having an off evening, too. He went to bed early, and I've been in my pjs since 8. Maybe it's the weather. Or maybe the busyness is just catching up with us. (Or...

I really loved this day. I loved almost everything about it. I got a really great compliment from my boss (who was relaying a compliment she heard about me from another manager). I was assigned two new projects at work that will give me more opportunities to be creative. (Seems like these are fewer and fewer as of late.) During lunch break, I had my very first gel manicure with my super sweet, fun, and adorable friend Staci. My cube neighbors claim they can't hear me crunching on my daily apple. This is a big deal, because I love my daily apple, but I am well aware that apple eating may be one of the most annoying sounds EVER to cube mates. (Note: If you've never had an Empire apple, get one. They will rock your world. Better (and cheaper!) than honey crisp! You're welcome.) Cheri came back from maternity leave. (I'm sure this made me happier than it did her.) I came home to a happy baby in the Johnny Jump Up playing with a giant plastic spoon while s...

Tonight's workout was THE hardest workout I've had since before pregnancy. It wasn't so much difficult as it was mentally challenging. And I struggled through the whole dang thing. Our YMCA has this machine called "ActivTrax." The first day, a trainer goes around and measures your athletic ability and enters it into the computer along with your goals. Now, every time I go to the Y, I pull up my account, and it prints off a 30-minute conditioning workout that's formulated just for me and designed to help me meet my goals. Today was day one. I worked out a little more slowly, because I was learning what the exercises were. I'm sure it'll continue like that for a couple weeks as I get the hang of it. The fun part? There are at least two personal trainers on staff and in the room at all times, and they approached me a couple times as I was looking at the exercise-explanation book thingy and asked if I wanted help or tips. It was awesome. Our YMCA has...

Did you know that the same pair of shoes (make and model) sold at running stores and low-cost retailers (like Zappos and Amazon) are oftentimes made in entirely different factories? While they might look the same, the materials and quality seldom compare. So where should you buy your running shoes? That all depends. Why to Buy from a Brick-and-Mortar Running Shoe Retailer • A real-life runner helps you select the best-fitting pair of shoe based on how you walk/stand. It's like having your own little personal shopper. • Many stores (most?) will even let you test drive the shoes. Take them out for a run. Run in them for a month. Don't like them? Return them. • Sometimes the prices aren't much higher than box stores or online retailers. But sometimes they are. While you might be paying a premium price, you're getting a premium shoe. (And sometimes this makes a HUGE difference.) Why to Buy from an Online Retailer • If you don't run that often (and don't r...

Doing a little self-diagnosis over here. According to the Internet gods, it appears that I don't have carpal tunnel, but Mommy Thumb. Never heard of it? Neither had I!  Here's  what the ever-so-trusty Wikipedia has to say about it. Sure explains why only my thumbs hurt and why it mostly occurs when lifting Baby Boy. The good news? It seems to be slowly getting better. If I focus on distributing the pressure evenly between my pointer and my thumb, I can do a push-up without pain. Woo!!!

In four days, Baby Boy will be half a year old. It seems like just yesterday that I met him for the first time. I've seen lots of photos of newborn babies resting peacefully on their mommy's chest shortly after birth (if not immediately). That wasn't the case for us. From day one, he wanted to face outward. To watch the world go by. To see faces. To touch things and feel textures. He had a personality from the start... even if he could only express himself in one way... crying. I never thought the crying would stop. But the funny thing is, in reality, he really didn't cry that much. Maybe two hours a day. But I was tired. And I was thinking way too much. When he was brand new, I was spending so much time trying to straighten out HR's maternity leave mistakes, wondering what was going to happen with my job since my company was sold during my maternity leave, and figuring out the upcoming babysitting schedule to really enjoy the newborn phase. I blinked. I shouldn...

I know that it takes at least two months to notice any sort of difference in my athletic-wannabe self. So why do I ALWAYS expect to look different after day one? It's beyond me. But I do. Every. Single. Time. I'm so ready to be strong again. So I started a 100-day squat/pushup challenge. Tuesday was day one. I'm sure I raised a few eyebrows after I did my one squat and one pushup (after running, of course). You see, I admit it: I sometimes tend to judge others on their workouts. But if you complain about how you can't lose weight, eat junk, and read books while working out... well, I have no sympathy for you. In my opinion, if you can read while working out, you aren't working out hard enough. But I digress. Yesterday was day two, and I forgot I was doing a challenge at all. Between soothing a fussy/teething baby and packing for work/a trip to the parents', there was no time for working out. But surely I could've fit in two squats and two pushups. So tod...

20 – The number of pounds I discovered I need to lose to return to pre-pregnancy weight. 2 – The number of pants I tried on before finding a pair that fit. 1.25 – The number of miles I ran (without stopping). 8 – The number of minutes I spent doing (fl)abdominal work. 8 – The number of hours devoted to my day job. 2 – The number of projects I had to redo completely. 3 – The number of rooms my husband and I cleaned. 1 – The number of hours spent at the post office to apply for Baby Boy's passport. 60 – The number of minutes Baby Boy entertained himself with an empty baby wipes bag. 3 – The number of hours it took Baby Boy to (finally) fall asleep. (Thank you, Tylenol and Teething Tablets!) 1,984,342 – The number of socks I folded. 6 – The number of socks left without mates. 0 – The number of times I brushed my teeth. (oops) (I probably shouldn't have admitted that.) 24 – The number of minutes currently past my bedtime. 28 – My baby sister's age!!!...

Last night I made it a point to pack for the gym so I'd be all set this morning. I was excited to lace up the old running shoes and hit the treadmill. As soon as I zipped the bag, it all went downhill from there. My sweet boy was up every two hours to eat. He kept falling asleep at the table (or so to speak), and I couldn't wake him up for anything to keep him focused. So to say I was exhausted this morning would be an understatement. I was then thankful that I had set out my outfit and was already packed. Less thinking in the morning is always a bonus. None of my clothes fit exactly how I'd like them to, but this morning my pants were even tighter than usual. But somehow I was running behind, and I was too tired to find a different set of pants. So, I stuffed one leg in and then the other, did a little squirm to get all the extra leggage that is still hanging around to feel slightly comfortable, sucked in, and fastened those suckers. The mistake came when I looked in...

This isn't my first blog. In fact, I've been maintaining a blog for nearly 10 years now. The last blog-hosting site I used was once very popular. All the cool kids were using it. Eventually, they all moved on, but I remained the one devoted user after all the cool wore off. But alas, even I over-stayed my welcome. The site shut down. And being in a period of transition in my life, so did I. So here I am. Ready to begin again. I'm not the same person I was when I blogged last. My surroundings are not the same. My life is not the same. My circumstances are not the same. I'm quite evolved, really. And I'm finally ready to document the journey again. My mother-in-law once told me that if she was to write a book, she would call it "Ten Feet Under the Table." It's in reference to always having family dinners together. No matter how busy life got, there were always ten feet under the table. So with permission, I'm borrowing the title. You see, I'm...