I feel like a new woman. For the past four nights in a row, I've gotten 7 to 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep—the first time since October. How did I get to be so lucky, you ask? Two reasons: sleep training and pump weaning. We went to the doctor last week and asked if it was normal for a 9 month old to wake up three times to eat. His response? Uh... no. So we were given strict instructions on when to feed him and how to let him cry it out. It took three nights filled with three-hour-long crying sessions. (Will, not me... thank you, NyQuil.)
We were told it would take 10 - 14 days. It took four. Baby Boy is awesomely sleeping through the night... for 13 hours almost straight. And then takes three 1-2 hour naps during the day. Bliss, my friends. This is bliss.
On the other side of things, I'm ending my relationship with my breast pump. I just can't do it any more. I pumped exclusively for two months. (One of my rockstar mommy friends went longer than two months. You know who you are. And I applaud your awesomeness.) But I was tired all the time. And I got so tired of washing the pump parts and bottles every three hours. Waking up at 5a to pump and staying up until 10:45p to pump was just exhausting. I really hoped to be able to nurse until Baby Boy was a year old, but it just wasn't in the cards. And I'm okay with that... now. It took a while to stop feeling like a failure. (What is it about parenthood that we always find something to feel guilty about?)
I was recently asked an interesting question: Am I sad to stop being Baby Boy's source of nutrition and food in fear of missing out on or ending that "special bond." (This person was by NO MEANS insinuating that only moms that produce milk have a bond with their babies.) Until I was asked, I guess I had never really given it any thought. People talk all the time about how breastfeeding created a bond between them and their child. But the truth is, I never had that. Rather, breastfeeding was more like a task. Not an annoying task, mind you. Not something I hated doing. Quite the opposite, really. But it was methodical. Baby Boy NEVER tells me when he's hungry... until he's hangry. So I HAD to watch the clock. It became less about being what he needed and more about telling him what he needed and when. Every baby is different. And maybe my next baby will nurse for an entire year. But now? All I feel is freedom.
And truth be told, I think I'm a better mom since quitting, because I'm not tied up in a constant to-do list. I'm not too tired to play, sing, get messy, or clean up. I go to bed as early (or late) as I want. And I sleep in past 6a.
I loved nursing my child while it lasted. But even more, I love being involved in his day. And in our situation, I just wasn't able to give him the attention that he needed until now. Or at least uninterrupted attention.
Yes, part of me envies the moms that are able to continue nursing. But in the end, I guess I just can't have it all. Baby Boy is healthy and incredibly happy... and so am I. And that's enough for me.
We were told it would take 10 - 14 days. It took four. Baby Boy is awesomely sleeping through the night... for 13 hours almost straight. And then takes three 1-2 hour naps during the day. Bliss, my friends. This is bliss.
On the other side of things, I'm ending my relationship with my breast pump. I just can't do it any more. I pumped exclusively for two months. (One of my rockstar mommy friends went longer than two months. You know who you are. And I applaud your awesomeness.) But I was tired all the time. And I got so tired of washing the pump parts and bottles every three hours. Waking up at 5a to pump and staying up until 10:45p to pump was just exhausting. I really hoped to be able to nurse until Baby Boy was a year old, but it just wasn't in the cards. And I'm okay with that... now. It took a while to stop feeling like a failure. (What is it about parenthood that we always find something to feel guilty about?)
I was recently asked an interesting question: Am I sad to stop being Baby Boy's source of nutrition and food in fear of missing out on or ending that "special bond." (This person was by NO MEANS insinuating that only moms that produce milk have a bond with their babies.) Until I was asked, I guess I had never really given it any thought. People talk all the time about how breastfeeding created a bond between them and their child. But the truth is, I never had that. Rather, breastfeeding was more like a task. Not an annoying task, mind you. Not something I hated doing. Quite the opposite, really. But it was methodical. Baby Boy NEVER tells me when he's hungry... until he's hangry. So I HAD to watch the clock. It became less about being what he needed and more about telling him what he needed and when. Every baby is different. And maybe my next baby will nurse for an entire year. But now? All I feel is freedom.
And truth be told, I think I'm a better mom since quitting, because I'm not tied up in a constant to-do list. I'm not too tired to play, sing, get messy, or clean up. I go to bed as early (or late) as I want. And I sleep in past 6a.
I loved nursing my child while it lasted. But even more, I love being involved in his day. And in our situation, I just wasn't able to give him the attention that he needed until now. Or at least uninterrupted attention.
Yes, part of me envies the moms that are able to continue nursing. But in the end, I guess I just can't have it all. Baby Boy is healthy and incredibly happy... and so am I. And that's enough for me.
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