Yesterday was a particularly challenging day. My 2-year-old was acting like... a two year old. Thus far, the hardest part of parenting for me has been the follow-through with punishments. I'm not talking about the actual following-though part, but the emotional/mental distress it causes me to HAVE to follow through.
I've found, however, that it's important to follow through and then follow up... even at bedtime. Only then can Toddler Boy and I both go to bed happy.
My son is too much like me in some ways. He. Can't. Let. Things. Go. Last night, I gave him an ultimatum: "You help me clean up, or you go to bed without a song." (He already lost the privilege of having a bedtime book read.) Then, after refusing to help me pick up his legos and then taking the bag and dumping them all out again, I had had enough. I tucked him under my arm and marched up to his room. His cries of "I want to 'hep' Mommy" were stuck on repeat. I said little while I got him ready for bed and his teeth brushed. I went through the motions and checked off every item from his nighttime ritual/demands list. I said our prayers while he continued to cry, "I want to read a book with you on the 'pellow.'" I laid him in his bed and covered him with his required 50,000 blankets. I gave him his ice water as he cried, "I want a song!" Then I whispered, "I love you," and I walked out of the room, down the stairs to the very messy living room.
I sat on the living room floor just angry. And heartbroken. I WANTED to read him a book. I WANTED to sing him a song. But I NEEDED to follow through. Though I couldn't see him, I knew he was standing up in his crib, equally heartbroken, as he sobbed and said, "I want a bear hug! I want to 'hep' you clean up, Mommy!" I let him cry for a few minutes. Because he can't let things go, I knew that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep until I let him help me. That's just the way he is. That's just the way I am. And then, when I decided that I wanted to hug him, too, and that help cleaning up actually sounded nice, I went up to his room, wiped the tears and snot from his face, gave him a bear hug, and brought him back downstairs to help me clean up. (Let me tell you, he's never done such a good job picking up his toys!) After he was done, I followed him back upstairs, told him how proud I was of him, and tucked him back in bed. Still no book. Still no song. (On my way out of his room, he sleepily reminded me to pick up the cars that were tucked away in the laundry basket outside his door.) He was asleep in 10 minutes.
I'm not a perfect mom. And quite honestly I had several imperfect mothering moments yesterday. But at the end of the day, I was able to differentiate between following through with the punishments and inconsiderately discounting his mental/emotional needs because I was mad. So I'm calling it a win.
I've found, however, that it's important to follow through and then follow up... even at bedtime. Only then can Toddler Boy and I both go to bed happy.
My son is too much like me in some ways. He. Can't. Let. Things. Go. Last night, I gave him an ultimatum: "You help me clean up, or you go to bed without a song." (He already lost the privilege of having a bedtime book read.) Then, after refusing to help me pick up his legos and then taking the bag and dumping them all out again, I had had enough. I tucked him under my arm and marched up to his room. His cries of "I want to 'hep' Mommy" were stuck on repeat. I said little while I got him ready for bed and his teeth brushed. I went through the motions and checked off every item from his nighttime ritual/demands list. I said our prayers while he continued to cry, "I want to read a book with you on the 'pellow.'" I laid him in his bed and covered him with his required 50,000 blankets. I gave him his ice water as he cried, "I want a song!" Then I whispered, "I love you," and I walked out of the room, down the stairs to the very messy living room.
I sat on the living room floor just angry. And heartbroken. I WANTED to read him a book. I WANTED to sing him a song. But I NEEDED to follow through. Though I couldn't see him, I knew he was standing up in his crib, equally heartbroken, as he sobbed and said, "I want a bear hug! I want to 'hep' you clean up, Mommy!" I let him cry for a few minutes. Because he can't let things go, I knew that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep until I let him help me. That's just the way he is. That's just the way I am. And then, when I decided that I wanted to hug him, too, and that help cleaning up actually sounded nice, I went up to his room, wiped the tears and snot from his face, gave him a bear hug, and brought him back downstairs to help me clean up. (Let me tell you, he's never done such a good job picking up his toys!) After he was done, I followed him back upstairs, told him how proud I was of him, and tucked him back in bed. Still no book. Still no song. (On my way out of his room, he sleepily reminded me to pick up the cars that were tucked away in the laundry basket outside his door.) He was asleep in 10 minutes.
I'm not a perfect mom. And quite honestly I had several imperfect mothering moments yesterday. But at the end of the day, I was able to differentiate between following through with the punishments and inconsiderately discounting his mental/emotional needs because I was mad. So I'm calling it a win.
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