After reviewing my first post—something I rarely do hence all the typos and grammatical errors—I realized that I forgot one detail. Remember how I said the nurse didn't see any water after I told her I felt the "popping"? Turns out, Baby Girl was acting as a cork... the water broke behind her. So it didn't come out until she was delivered. I thought this was weird, though I'm sure it's not uncommon.
Now enter the days that followed.
That night, Toddler Boy, my parents, siblings and their spouses, and my in-laws came to visit. It was a late night, but it was so nice to have them there. Toddler Boy was really confused. He wouldn't talk to me and didn't want to sit in bed next to me. Of course, he was also in bed sleeping and then woken up to come to the hospital. (And I'm so glad he was. In hindsight, I would've been disappointed if he wasn't there.) My brother took some amazing photos, and eventually, our family left, and we turned out the lights for the night. Baby Girl slept for 7 hours, and I got some much needed sleep.
Once the epidural wore off, I found out I was able to walk again, which was an answer to prayer. We slept most of the night, though we were woken frequently by nurses for meds, tests, etc. But I didn't mind. The next day, we had a few church friends stop by in addition to family. We also had newborn photos taken at the hospital. This first full day was spent resting and visiting.
The next morning, I woke up with that familiar aching in my hip. And I was slowing down... again.
We missed Toddler Boy so much and were ready to be home. So we got discharged as soon as possible. My parents brought him to the hospital, and together, we left—a family of four. My hormones were in overdrive, and I may or may not have teared up as we put Toddler Boy in his seat and kissed him hello.
That night, he started to revert a little. He wanted a pacifier, and he would mimic her cry. After dinner, though it was past his bedtime, we left Baby Girl with my parents and took him on a date for ice cream. We came home and put him to bed. Only he didn't want me. Instead, after his book was read, he looked at me and said, "Night night, Mommy." That was too much for me. I lost it.
I dealt with a lot of guilt for the first week... especially that first night. But it wasn't the same Mommy Guilt that I experienced when he was a baby. Rather, instead of my guilt being towards Baby Girl, I felt guilty for having a second child. I felt guilty that I couldn't give him all of my attention. I didn't regret having another. But I mourned the time we shared with him alone. And I felt like I was going to miss out on some milestone because I was going to be distracted by another child. I felt like I was abandoning him.
All of this, of course, was hogwash. But it's crazy what post-pregnancy hormones will do to ya!
The next day was a little better. And now, Toddler Boy can't get enough of Baby Girl. He is always trying to help, even though I wish he wouldn't! He loves holding her and telling her hello. But mostly, he loves lifting her blankie and touching her feet.
He's no longer calling her by her baby cousin's name and seems to have forgotten that Mommy's belly used to be big or that we'd call my belly the baby's name. It's no wonder he didn't want to talk to me at the hospital. That's a lot to expect a 22-month-old to comprehend!
I couldn't walk for a week after coming back home from the hospital. I finally decided to go to the chiropractor and use the massage gift certificate from the hospital. Turns out, it wasn't my hip at all. My tail bone had shifted, so it was bumping up against my pelvis with every movement. I've been to the chiropractor twice, and now, two weeks after Baby Girl was born, I'm finally able to walk again.
Feeling Thankful:
- For the 9 hours that I was in labor, my husband stood by my side, applying pressure to my hip through every contraction. He guesstimated how long it would be (every five minutes) until I could get the epidural. (Longest hour ever!) He applied chapstick to my lips and gave me sips of water. And when he stopped assisting the doctor with the delivery due to the complication, he whispered in my ear, encouraging me to keep going. And he never complained. Not once.
- I'm so thankful that my parents were able to come and help out for so long. I don't know how I would've done it without them. My mom was in the room during the delivery. She took photos (that no one else will ever see), tied the hair back out of my face/oxygen mask (yeah, I had an oxygen mask on the ENTIRE time I was pushing), and helped me breathe... which I needed to be reminded to do and how to do. My mom cleaned my house and got every item marked off my to do list before it was baby time. And my parents took care of Toddler Boy while we were at the hospital. I am forever indebted.
- The day I was in labor, my sister was headed back to grad school. But though she was at least 45 minutes away already, she decided that she'd rather be with me. So she turned around and came back. I'm not sure she knows how much that meant to me. I can't put it into words, so I won't even try.
- My younger sister came to the hospital as much as possible... even though she has her own baby to tend to. She hung out with us before and after. If you can't tell, I really, really love my siblings.
- My siblings and their spouses/kids and in-laws waited in the waiting room for a LONG time before coming in to see Baby Girl. The fact that they waited around to celebrate Baby Girl's arrival even though it was so late meant so much.
- The associate pastor from church surprised us with a visit. I will write about this next time. But it's one I won't forget.
- A few new church friends stopped in. We were so surprised! I'm so thankful that God led us to Harvest Bible Chapel and for bringing our lives together.
- I'm thankful for all of my friends that texted and checked in, and for my best friend in FL that was with me in spirit.
I remember the birth/hospital experience fondly. Though my sister recorded me in the moment saying something like, "I'm never doing this again," or something along those lines. She said she'd remind me if I ever forgot. I might need to review it again.
Stay tuned for Part 3: An Analysis :)
Now enter the days that followed.
That night, Toddler Boy, my parents, siblings and their spouses, and my in-laws came to visit. It was a late night, but it was so nice to have them there. Toddler Boy was really confused. He wouldn't talk to me and didn't want to sit in bed next to me. Of course, he was also in bed sleeping and then woken up to come to the hospital. (And I'm so glad he was. In hindsight, I would've been disappointed if he wasn't there.) My brother took some amazing photos, and eventually, our family left, and we turned out the lights for the night. Baby Girl slept for 7 hours, and I got some much needed sleep.
Once the epidural wore off, I found out I was able to walk again, which was an answer to prayer. We slept most of the night, though we were woken frequently by nurses for meds, tests, etc. But I didn't mind. The next day, we had a few church friends stop by in addition to family. We also had newborn photos taken at the hospital. This first full day was spent resting and visiting.
The next morning, I woke up with that familiar aching in my hip. And I was slowing down... again.
We missed Toddler Boy so much and were ready to be home. So we got discharged as soon as possible. My parents brought him to the hospital, and together, we left—a family of four. My hormones were in overdrive, and I may or may not have teared up as we put Toddler Boy in his seat and kissed him hello.
That night, he started to revert a little. He wanted a pacifier, and he would mimic her cry. After dinner, though it was past his bedtime, we left Baby Girl with my parents and took him on a date for ice cream. We came home and put him to bed. Only he didn't want me. Instead, after his book was read, he looked at me and said, "Night night, Mommy." That was too much for me. I lost it.
I dealt with a lot of guilt for the first week... especially that first night. But it wasn't the same Mommy Guilt that I experienced when he was a baby. Rather, instead of my guilt being towards Baby Girl, I felt guilty for having a second child. I felt guilty that I couldn't give him all of my attention. I didn't regret having another. But I mourned the time we shared with him alone. And I felt like I was going to miss out on some milestone because I was going to be distracted by another child. I felt like I was abandoning him.
All of this, of course, was hogwash. But it's crazy what post-pregnancy hormones will do to ya!
The next day was a little better. And now, Toddler Boy can't get enough of Baby Girl. He is always trying to help, even though I wish he wouldn't! He loves holding her and telling her hello. But mostly, he loves lifting her blankie and touching her feet.
He's no longer calling her by her baby cousin's name and seems to have forgotten that Mommy's belly used to be big or that we'd call my belly the baby's name. It's no wonder he didn't want to talk to me at the hospital. That's a lot to expect a 22-month-old to comprehend!
I couldn't walk for a week after coming back home from the hospital. I finally decided to go to the chiropractor and use the massage gift certificate from the hospital. Turns out, it wasn't my hip at all. My tail bone had shifted, so it was bumping up against my pelvis with every movement. I've been to the chiropractor twice, and now, two weeks after Baby Girl was born, I'm finally able to walk again.
Feeling Thankful:
- For the 9 hours that I was in labor, my husband stood by my side, applying pressure to my hip through every contraction. He guesstimated how long it would be (every five minutes) until I could get the epidural. (Longest hour ever!) He applied chapstick to my lips and gave me sips of water. And when he stopped assisting the doctor with the delivery due to the complication, he whispered in my ear, encouraging me to keep going. And he never complained. Not once.
- I'm so thankful that my parents were able to come and help out for so long. I don't know how I would've done it without them. My mom was in the room during the delivery. She took photos (that no one else will ever see), tied the hair back out of my face/oxygen mask (yeah, I had an oxygen mask on the ENTIRE time I was pushing), and helped me breathe... which I needed to be reminded to do and how to do. My mom cleaned my house and got every item marked off my to do list before it was baby time. And my parents took care of Toddler Boy while we were at the hospital. I am forever indebted.
- The day I was in labor, my sister was headed back to grad school. But though she was at least 45 minutes away already, she decided that she'd rather be with me. So she turned around and came back. I'm not sure she knows how much that meant to me. I can't put it into words, so I won't even try.
- My younger sister came to the hospital as much as possible... even though she has her own baby to tend to. She hung out with us before and after. If you can't tell, I really, really love my siblings.
- My siblings and their spouses/kids and in-laws waited in the waiting room for a LONG time before coming in to see Baby Girl. The fact that they waited around to celebrate Baby Girl's arrival even though it was so late meant so much.
- The associate pastor from church surprised us with a visit. I will write about this next time. But it's one I won't forget.
- A few new church friends stopped in. We were so surprised! I'm so thankful that God led us to Harvest Bible Chapel and for bringing our lives together.
- I'm thankful for all of my friends that texted and checked in, and for my best friend in FL that was with me in spirit.
I remember the birth/hospital experience fondly. Though my sister recorded me in the moment saying something like, "I'm never doing this again," or something along those lines. She said she'd remind me if I ever forgot. I might need to review it again.
Stay tuned for Part 3: An Analysis :)
Beautiful! I hear you on the guilt thing. It gets better, but mostly because they enjoy having each other around so much. I still wish there were two of me, though!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I hear you on the guilt thing. It gets better, but mostly because they enjoy having each other around so much. I still wish there were two of me, though!
ReplyDelete