Six Feet Under the Table

Now that Baby Boy is sleeping through the night, I feel like my brain is a lot less static-y. I'm noticing so much more now. Like I'm really present, watching with eyes wide open. And it's amazing. My love is growing so much that I actually feel like I could explode. It's overwhelming. And it's awesome. So since I feel like the first 8 months have been riddled with frustrations and amIdoingsomethingwrongs, this THIS is what I've been waiting for. This moment when I am watching him learn, figure things out, sleep, eat, even poop… all these things we take for granted. All these things we forget have a learning curve. Here's what I now know (and love) about Baby Boy: 1. He needs to know how things work. He has a dog xylophone on wheels. He'll bang on the keys, and pound the bars with the bone-shaped mallet. But what he really likes to do is flip the whole thing over and examine the wheels. He still softly moves his fingers along everything he can. ...

This morning J and I talked about the nursing situation. We made a difficult-for-me-to-make decision to stop nursing. The reason is simple: Baby Boy doesn't nurse, get bored, and then bite. He immediately uses me as a chew toy, and he refuses to latch. But he takes a bottle so well. Very well. In fact, he now prefers it. But we aren't switching to formula. Instead, I am pumping all day every day to supply his needs. And since I do that twice a week at work, it really hasn't been a burden. I think I've got a good schedule down, so right now, this works. Baby Boy now sleeps until 4a! J feeds him his 4a bottle, I get up at 5 to pump, go back to bed for 15 minutes, then on the days I have to drive to work, I get up at 6 and get ready for the day. At first, more sleep meant I was more tired. But today, I feel completely rested. This weekend or next week, I will be posting a babysitting or nanny job on a caregiver website. I'm nervous and don't want to do it. But ...

Well, the race is done. How did I do? Pretty dang good, if I do say so myself. I met my goal of 32 minutes, and I ran the whole thing. Not too bad for being only 7 months post baby, for not running in well over a year, and for being up most of the night the night before because Baby Boy was having a rough night. Since Saturday, I feel like I've kinda let go. I haven't worked out. I've been eating whatever I want. And my determination to keep up my water intake has been abysmal. And today I'm feeling the effects. I'm tired and feeling dimply. But my dad's bday was yesterday, and it was very important to eat all the delicious food at his soiree... including the cake I made with the most amazing buttercream frosting EVER. Seriously, you guys. This is the first issue of Martha Stewart Living that I ever bought off the shelf. It's like gold. So many delicious cake/frosting recipes. I will never throw it away. And the cover? Don't even get me started. ...